Emo Commeth!

Heidy Hei Campers,
oww that makes me want to kill myself

(not really lol, that was an ad-hock joke)

anyway... the emo phase has started!... I have a very very emo coat... which I love ... its got loads of pockets and has shoulder straps, and makes me look very very thin!, love it.
and... I have been listening to fall out boy and Elliot minor all day, i even ventured into my chem last night!... for gods sake, my hairs even started growing too fast for its own good!

and... I have become physically attracted to anything and everything emo, especially the people. the sideways hair, the "whats the point" attitude... emo boy = FIT! emo BOYS = AMAZING :)

and so, i will join, now all i need to do is loose about a million tonnes of weight and ill be there!.

wow!
what a joke!

E

I'm trying not to love you,

I'm trying not to care,

I'm trying not to live my life,

Wishing you were there,

I'm trying not to wonder,

Where you are or what you do,

I'm sorry, I can't help myself

I fell in Love with you.

Gee wizz guys, is he an emo or is he really that fit.

I have decided to go emo.

I have had enough of being all happy, and then depressive, and then depressive, cos it means that you, being my blog and people who read it, along with all the people i akctuaklly give two shits about, get the grunt of it. And it's not fair, cos im not the person I used to be when you get to know me. And so everyone can see the me that is underneath, but they can see him, from now on, all the time, and if the bootherton comes out with another fucking smarmy "what would it matter if he was gay" joke, I'm coming out. I swear.

I'll never do it, im far from "cool" enough to be an emo, and im too fat

never mind, ill jus imagine :)

ha ha smileyt face, thats a big fail already,

anyways...

jus fort u might like to know whats going on inside me

not a lot :S

emo time :)

ha ha and as i wrote emo time fall out boy came on, fantastic!

anyway..

a good start is to follow.

csya...

p.s. i love you, you know who you are too!

Just because I'm loosing, doesent mean im lost

... coldplay, not helping...

today was mixed...

thusly...

I am sad,

someone else i know was histerically say (but slightly better now)

This made me sadder

another person i know knew someone who topped himself,

he was sad, she was sad/angry (he left children behind)

this made me sadder too

I have work to do for history, and for graphics

miss james is a whore

miss booth is a legend, but i have no motivate now,

nothings worth it anymore

as a result i can see from another perspective, my life has fallen to ruins,

this made me sadder too,

My grandma has come to terms with the fact that grandads gone, and the nursing home is now her home, for life, weather she likes or not,

this made her sad, this made me sad.

She is knitting a scarf, this had little effect, as i knew this yesterday

this made me sad

chris-dick-fucking-head-wanker-prick-cock-sucker-bastardarding morris...

a) knows I am bi

b)Is telling people

c)wont speak to me

d)was proclaimed in love by fucking emma today (who in turn proclaimed she hates me)

this didnt make me sad

this made me cry,

I think i like kirsty whitehall, like like like, this is killing me, because i know i love emma, and if I act on the kirsty thing, I know that I't will wake me up to missing emma, and thats the only reason what so ever I have taken an interest,

this makes me sad,

I, voluntarily, read books about maths, have a projector in my room and a thing in my wardrobe that im calling a "bedroom control system" which consists of a shit load of random electrical crap, all controled by a computer which I have spent 2 days designing and scripting,

this proves that i am the other kind of sad

(not that emma doesent tell me enough)

and this, in turn, is making me sad,

I have no reason anymore,

If i carry on like this, I am never going to help the world, what have you actually got out of reading this, and yet, nothing, all I have is tanzania, and i dont even want to gho anymore, (which is also making me sad), I don't want to do anything, that doesent help me, and most of the time, i dont even want to do that, and so theres really no point.

This makes me errm scared, not so sad, its not worth it

My father is a cunt,

I love him n all, but why does he have to be so un-reliable, hes never on time to anything, he lies, he doesent tell me things, and i cant stand him at the minute. All the fun has gone, and that cow he calles his "lover" is a slag, and has turned him into an old, grumpy, slippered man.

yet people tell me regularlt that I am like him,

This makes me incredibly depressed.

I am heartless, it was taken by a curvy girl, and i want it back, with hers.

This stops all the sadness from above from surfacing, theres nothing to control it all, so I leave my brain to contain it all, one day it will burst, sorry to everyone who gets in the way, it will not be a pretty sight.

God help me, kirsty is online, i will flirt theres no stopping, i am male,

this is making me dissapointed in myself, my brain can just about processs that one.

One for you...

Finally I am allowed back into blogger,

stupid google, how amazing yet amazingly crap, anyway...
youll be sad to hear, im sad.
and i have written a poem about it,

about you, no not you, but you if you know who you are...
anyway, I had the intension of submitting it to poetry live competition however:
a) its too dark
b) its too shit
c) i don't really want to win, i jus want someone to hear it that doesent know me
d) theres a maximum line limit, and its not long enough as it is,

do enjoy, if you can...

Why

Why not I always say
but thats never a good enough answer
but why's not a good enough question
it only finds power upon being screemed
screemed from an empty heart
and a tearey eye

I said why

I got no answer
but a sobbing heart escaped the clutches of its bearer
and left its seat, left the room, left existance
and it left me,
surrounded by people, friends, laughter, and love,
in purgatory,
drifting in a breathless haze with just one vision,
screeaming for just one more moment,
to fill it back up with the love,
the roses,
the kisses,
the conversation,
the words, I love you,
now i would give my life for just one word,
any word, any contact, any being,

but no reply came,
it never does, it never will,

it had left,
never to return to my life,
but to leave my heart in shreads,
left in tatters and discarded,
my very existance, cut from me,
as though it made no difference

i could have put a stop to being empty,
i could have flown away and joined my floating heart in purgatory,
i didnt, i couldn't, for me joining my heart,
would break that of others from their bodys,
and turn it upside down,
lay it in salt, and wait until every last drop of hope had dried up,
that's not me,
I don't know who "me" is anymore,
and will never know,
I can't ask, last time, the very same word, left me to a life of tears,
I can never ask,
the only bit that wants to know enough to counjor up the courage to ask,
was ripped from me last time,
I'm just numbers now,
it seems so stupid now, i suppose im used to it,
but all this, for the sake of three lettes,
so insignificant,
but each more powerful than all those that bear them,

I said Why

So, whatcha think?

dark isnt it, anyways, i want it to be heard, even if it is a load of shit