Just because I'm loosing, doesent mean im lost

... coldplay, not helping...

today was mixed...

thusly...

I am sad,

someone else i know was histerically say (but slightly better now)

This made me sadder

another person i know knew someone who topped himself,

he was sad, she was sad/angry (he left children behind)

this made me sadder too

I have work to do for history, and for graphics

miss james is a whore

miss booth is a legend, but i have no motivate now,

nothings worth it anymore

as a result i can see from another perspective, my life has fallen to ruins,

this made me sadder too,

My grandma has come to terms with the fact that grandads gone, and the nursing home is now her home, for life, weather she likes or not,

this made her sad, this made me sad.

She is knitting a scarf, this had little effect, as i knew this yesterday

this made me sad

chris-dick-fucking-head-wanker-prick-cock-sucker-bastardarding morris...

a) knows I am bi

b)Is telling people

c)wont speak to me

d)was proclaimed in love by fucking emma today (who in turn proclaimed she hates me)

this didnt make me sad

this made me cry,

I think i like kirsty whitehall, like like like, this is killing me, because i know i love emma, and if I act on the kirsty thing, I know that I't will wake me up to missing emma, and thats the only reason what so ever I have taken an interest,

this makes me sad,

I, voluntarily, read books about maths, have a projector in my room and a thing in my wardrobe that im calling a "bedroom control system" which consists of a shit load of random electrical crap, all controled by a computer which I have spent 2 days designing and scripting,

this proves that i am the other kind of sad

(not that emma doesent tell me enough)

and this, in turn, is making me sad,

I have no reason anymore,

If i carry on like this, I am never going to help the world, what have you actually got out of reading this, and yet, nothing, all I have is tanzania, and i dont even want to gho anymore, (which is also making me sad), I don't want to do anything, that doesent help me, and most of the time, i dont even want to do that, and so theres really no point.

This makes me errm scared, not so sad, its not worth it

My father is a cunt,

I love him n all, but why does he have to be so un-reliable, hes never on time to anything, he lies, he doesent tell me things, and i cant stand him at the minute. All the fun has gone, and that cow he calles his "lover" is a slag, and has turned him into an old, grumpy, slippered man.

yet people tell me regularlt that I am like him,

This makes me incredibly depressed.

I am heartless, it was taken by a curvy girl, and i want it back, with hers.

This stops all the sadness from above from surfacing, theres nothing to control it all, so I leave my brain to contain it all, one day it will burst, sorry to everyone who gets in the way, it will not be a pretty sight.

God help me, kirsty is online, i will flirt theres no stopping, i am male,

this is making me dissapointed in myself, my brain can just about processs that one.